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Fox News Channel
Our Glorious Official Republican News Network, or simply Fox News, is a cable TV News network that "gets it right" and most importantly, "gets it right-''winged''". They decide and you report what they decide. Thanks to their fair and balancedTM reporting, America at long last feels the truth. Fox is known in the industry as the "Hustler of Cable News Networks". Fox News originates compelling journalism that exposes the horrors that are whittling away at our way of life, from such groundbreaking stories such as "Who took the CHRIST out of CHRISTmas?" (an expose on the War On Christmas) to "Watch Out Below!" (an expose on the dangers of people dropping things on you from great heights). Because they represent the opinion of America (which is always right), Fox is the most trusted name in news. Fox News has many critics, but most of them are likely bears or believe the Pro-Bear propaganda spread via CNN, MSNBC, ABC News, NBC News, CBS News, PBS News, BBC News, Sky News, MTV News and anyone else who wastes our time with "news". Fox is home to one of Our Glorious Stephen's greatest idols — no, not Sean Hannity, but good guess — Papa Bear himself, Bill O'Reilly. Stephen fulfilled a lifelong dream when, on January 18, 2007, not only did he appear on The O'Reilly Factor, but Papa Bear also gave Stephen the honor of hosting him on The Colbert Report on the same night. Some claim Fox is biased towards the right, but they are totally Fair and Balanced.TM For instance, there was that one time they let Alan Colmes speak for almost two full minutes! History Founder: Jesus H. Christ Current Slogan: Holy Fox! List of Former Slogans: Let's Fox it up, Go Fox yourself, Fox damn, America Fox yeah, Get Mind-Fox'd, It's the Fox'n Truth, We're Fox'n Great, Let's rock out with our Fox out Mission Statement: "Let's get the Earth to be less Jewy around here." Fox News was founded to fight cave-terrorists and report fair and balancedTM news to the non-evolving human race. They played a major part in World War II, as they alone defeated Hitler with their powers of fair and balancedness. An ongoing example of Fox News' truthiness and balanced reporting was evident during the glorious years of the administration of George W. Bush (the first real intellectual - but not in a faggy, liberal way - to sit in the Whitehouse since Ronald Reagan turned the presidency into Alzheimer's disease therapy). Whenever the liberal, bear-inspired media insisted upon focusing on war casualties, the deteriorating economy, encroachments on Constitutionally guaranteed freedoms, or the Vice-President accidentally gunning down hunting partners then hooking down a few drinks before agreeing to talk to the sheriff the next day, only Fox News would take the time to devote twenty-three and a half hour, seven days per week segments on the important issue of the day: what rich, white girl was missing or murdered by what swarthy alleged (obviously guilty) assailants (who were always most likely progressives). However, even fair and balanced has its limits. Only Fox, as a network owned by a Saudi Prince and an Australian, was patriotic enough to take Saint President Bush's lead and run with the term "homicide bomber," as opposed to the commonly and accurately used liberal term "suicide bomber" even though it is only logical that anyone who sets a bomb that kills people is committing homicide, but only a percentage of such persons intentionally kill themselves in the process. Some founding thoughts from Fox directors: "Joseph Goebbels wasn't all that bad, he was just misunderstood....... we love Chicken(hawks)"......... "Texas is the Neo-Rome and we think that!...... and so should you!".......... "All we want is to get it Reich Right". Programs It would be a mistake to consider what Fox News does as programming; Rather, it is an awakening of America to the truth of our Lord and Saviour (George W. Bush and Jesus H. Christ, respectively). "Hello, America? Can't you hear the terrorists are at your doorstep and ready to attack your children?" Well, if you cannot then you need to be reminded of this constantly through fair and balancedTM reporting of terrorism alerts from the Department of Homeland Security and the Minute Man Brigade. Some programs to help guide America include: * Bill O'Reilly's Just Shut Yer Feminist Trap * Hannity making Colmes his bitch * Manufacturing Fear in the Heartland * American Oil in China: What to do? * Equivocation Schmivocation *Who Wants to Be a Cadaver? Survivor Holocaust: The Game Fox News is funding a new awesome game show that is already attracting the attention of the joowish community. They say it is the most sickest and awesomest show on America. News Celebrities *John Gibson *Geraldo *Brit Hume *Bill O'Reilly *Sean Hannity *Shepard Smith *Glenn Beck *Patti Ann Browne Alleged "Controversies" Fox gave one of its excellent news programs the title: The Cost of Freedom. Some have said that they are applying subversive liberal media techniques to suggest that freedom is anything but pure profit. Fox Anomalies There is a Mystery as to why Fox has allowed this "Shepard Smith" to be part of the Fox Family. Who is "Shepard Smith" you ask? Nobody, so dont ask about it! Broads Some people say that Fox hires only chicks that look like porn stars. As if there's something wrong with that! There's nothing wrong with strict auditions. Fox has standards and holds tightly to them. Real tight. Tight and firm. LAPD Jetpack Story: More Government Waste! Fox News recently broke a story that involves the LAPD was wasting tax payers money in the billions of dollars. They wanted to replace their copters with 100,000 jetpacks (one jetpack per cop!). Imagine, an army of flying cops watching over us! But it soon became a disappointment when Fox News learned that the story was from the Weekly World News a libural fabrication to humiliate Fox News. Shame on you liburals! Fox News Reports Roosevelt Invasion Fiasco "Well, we're getting reports from the German News Service that the Allies are landing in France, but the Pentagon isn't confirming. Just what's going on here?" "It seems like mass confusion at the Pentagon today, I mean, are we invading or aren't we?" "Well, we all know, Sean, that there's been no direction at all from this Democrat administration on this. There've been all these leaks, these national security leaks designed to make Roosevelt look tough, I guess. Meanwhile, we've been pounding the table for months waiting for this invasion. If indeed it's happening." "I wanna bring Senator Nye in here. Senator, are you getting any information?" "No, Sean, nothing official, nothing from Roosevelt. But I am getting some reports from some of my sources in Germany, who report that the Wehrmacht is repelling our forces brutally at the beaches." "No surprise there, Senator." "No, none. Several of us have been predicting this kind of disaster since Harry Truman held those hearings about that so-called war-profiteering business that did nothing except harm the free enterprise system and the people charged with producing all this war materiel." "Exactly! Charles Lindbergh, Fox contributor, I wanna turn to you now. What does it say--if true--what does it say about this Roosevelt administration that it's withholding information like this from the American people, with Americans dying out there for a cause, as you have so eloquently stated, that many Americans are frankly dubious of--" "So true, Sean. We've seen, at Dunkirk and Bataan and other places, how the administration just repeatedly fails to level with the American people--" From: How the Democrats handed America to the Nazis, 6 June 1944. July 4, 2011: Free at Last! Good news, everyone! The mooslim tyrant is dead! News of the death of our black mooslim tyrant has created spontaneous celebration on the streets. Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Michele Bachmann, and Andrew Breitbart were seeing holding a street orgy to celebrate the death of Obama Bin Laden. See Also * Your local Fox affiliate Tube Sources *FOX Vales & morals *FOX reports *Fox News: Creating a New Reality for you! *Fox News: Always Fair, Always Balanced *un-american bastard bites hand that feeds blackmails Fox News! *Fox & Friends discovers cure for all diseases! *Fox News Hires moderate libural (On their defense, they were forced... is the law) *Mystery Man feels the heat *Fox News to fight off libural media *More liberal lies about Fox News *Fox News to hire Real American Hero as Superduper Investigative Journalist *Fox News Join forces to stop Public Option *Fox News to hire this man *Fox News sues libural hippie puppets *Daily Show Joo slanders Fox News Again! Hannity to Sue! *Fox News declares war on Youtube, all videos must be purged videos from un-american traitors must be purged *Fox News: The Subtle alteration of reality to sell a preconceived narrative. *There were never terrorists Attacks During the Bush Years! *How Mr. Rogers created a generation of Entitled Welfare Queens *Fox News uncovers America's newest traitor *Fox News goes Canadian *Fox News: Black People Watch Fox News? *Fox News 101: How to stop the next hot news *Fox News is #1! *Fox News Supports Gay Marriage *Greatest Ratings of the Century *Fox News: Evil or Stupid? We decide! *Libural slander against Fox News: Terror Network *Fox News to strengthen alliance with benefactor *More Fox News haters *Libural Terrorist incites dangerous violence with Liberal Speech! *Mooslim Fox News affiliate fails *Fox News to change brand name to Tea Bagging Channel: Bringing the Tea Bagging to your tv screen *Fox News: Socialism *Shocking News: Fox news hires black people?! *Fox Business, just like Fox News *Fox News gets new lyrics! *Fox News to help Obama to get un-elected *Fox News is not afraid to tell you the truth off air *Fox News breaks story! *Fox News: Liberating one Nation at a time *Fox News: Bill Clinton is racist! *Fox News not afraid of reporting the Truthiness *Fox News: We never call liberals Nazis, just Nazi-like *Un-american traitor slanders Fox News. Fox Police to track down terrorist *Fox News Declares Constitution Not a Holy Document *Fox News Exclusive: Union Violence! Why is the libural media ignoring the truth? *Fox News goes to Canada! *Fox News covers nucular disaster *Fox News: Obama cause of 90% of students' suicide *Fox News' brain moves to community nearest you! *How Roger Aile is keeping Fox News alive *John Stewart: Biggest Threat to America *The awesomness of Fox News *How Fox News got exclusives to tell the harrowing tales of 9/11 Heroism. *Liberal terrorists hacked News of the World to steal exclusives! *SpongeBob Square Pants brainwashing children for their gay global warming agenda *Fox News discovers horrifying video. Kills themselves *Fox News' latest freedom fighter *Fox News: Geography is for sissies and liberals *Miss Piggy slanders Fox News *Fox Fires traitor *The Fox Hole